funny jokes

There was a bit of confusion in the off-licence this morning. When I was ready to pay for my whisky, the check-out assistant said to me, ‘Strip down facing me.’ Making a mental note to complain to my Member of Parliament about excessive security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the

Two elderly people live in a retirement home near Fareham, he was a widower and her being a widow, had known one another for variety of years. One evening there was a community supper within the big arena within the Clubhouse. the 2 were at a joining table, across from each other . while the meal went on, he took a number of admiring glances at her and eventually gathered the courage to ask her, ‘Will you marry me?’ After

Let us put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs et and they’d receive money instead of paying it out.  They would have constant video monitoring, so they

The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!” “Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”

When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dad’s mental state and then asked, “What gets you up in the morning?” My father shrugged. “Probably the same thing as everyone. I have to go to the bathroom.” Older and not Bothered When the new activities director for the rec center

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests itself: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. As I start toward the garage,

Two older men were standing on a street corner, talking about the merits of their teenage sons. “You know something,” remarked the first man, “My teenage son is so thick. I really don’t think at school they teach the kids anything useful these days.” “Well,” replied the other gentleman, “He can’t ever be worse than